075 - Are Your Manuals For Others Making You Miserable? (Mission: Impossible)

Hello, Bettys and Jacks. Mary and Alexis are talking a little about movies today. No, we’re not discussing Barbie yet (We will! We promise!!!). There’s some discussion about horror movies (check out the short horror-comedy Finley on YouTube, and Insidious, directed by Mary’s boyfriend Patrick Wilson, if you’re really brave). But we do reference the Mission: Impossible series, and the newest installment, Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One. 

 

Now, we love a good action movie, if it has a good story (unlike the Fast & Furious series), and as we know, every good action movie has a car chase. Be aware: there are some minor spoilers in this episode about the car chase in Dead Reckoning–it’s really hilarious.

 

Mary wanted to revisit the concept of manuals (check out Episode 15 of the Bettys Podcast and Episode 11 of The Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo, where this idea originated). A major source of our disappointments in people, children, leaders, and even institutions, comes from our belief that they should act according to the manual we have written for them. We discuss religion, particularly how the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has changed many of their manuals (like this one) to leave them more open for interpretation and inspiration.

 

Like the ‘manuals’ for M:I movies, we often create manuals for other people, and are disappointed when they don’t live up to them. Mary learned this first-hand when her sister decided to enforce some boundaries, and Mary was angry about it (she later realized that she, indeed, was the a-hole in this situation). After all–Kim’s gonna Kim. 

 

We offer three ways to minimize our suffering when it comes to the whole ‘manual’ situation, and not letting manuals ruin your life:

 

1. Allow others to change. Institutions evolve, and time keeps on slippin’ into the future. We may have our opinions about what kind of movies Tom Cruise should make, but Tom’s gonna Tom. Trying to control people only works for dictators.
2. Accept that sometimes you are the a-hole. When you are angry about something, let that feeling teach you about the situation and your role in it. And remember that feelings are not facts–YOU are the one feeling the feeling. You’ve gotta ask yourself why you’re feeling this way, and be prepared for an answer you may not want to hear.
3. Step back. Or “STEP OFF!” Sometimes you need a different perspective. Do something (like going to a movie, exercise, get into nature, etc.) to get yourself out of your head, out of your pain, and out of your disappointment, and realize that we don’t have to have manuals for other people.

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Thank you for listening today! Remember that “nobody knows Jack.” There’s always more to the story, and our manuals for others only lead to our suffering from unmet expectations. We’re so happy that your manual for yourself includes listening to our ramblings–we really appreciate it and hope it helps you in some way. You’re the best, and please remember that we love you more.