080 - How to NOT Fall Apart . . . Even When You’re Triggered

Hello, Bettys and Jacks. Mary and Alexis are back, and (as usual) we’re struggling getting into our back-to-school routines. So if you haven’t left any of your kids at home alone, and you can keep track of your stories while you’re trying to tell them, we think you’re doing pretty well. We’re kinda functioning brain-dead, so thanks for continuing to listen!

 

Lexy has heard this question a lot lately: How are you not falling apart? She was watching a presentation by Tony Robbins, who talked about keeping your momentum even when your world is in turmoil. He says that what you focus on is where your energy is going to go. How do you know what to focus on? Allowing yourself to feel your emotions helps, but many times you have to attach meaning to an experience, in order to get to the emotion. Experiences are neutral (objective), until you decide on what it means. Then it becomes subjective. Giving people the benefit of the doubt makes it less likely that you’ll have a negative emotion attached to an experience. Also, maybe people just have RBF (or “Lindquist eyebrows”).

 

Mary calls Lexy out on her teaching herself to smile all the time; it does help you feel better, but it’s also probably a trauma response. It does help to know how to put on the ‘face’ of a group, if you want to be accepted into it. Sometimes you do have to ‘play the game,’ or put on a mask, but you can do it in a way that is true to yourself. And we don’t have to make other people uncomfortable or to ruin their day just because we might be having a hard time.

 

We also talk about triggers, and how you can’t really get away from them. Exposure therapy can help. Mary mentions the About Progress podcast, where the host Monica talks about overcoming her fear of swimming. 

 

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Thank you for listening, Betty. Remember–meaning = emotion, and emotion = life. And as long as we’re living, we’re gonna be growing. We’re so grateful for you, and we love you more.