Midlife Cry, Sis (Formerly known as The Bettys Podcast)

089 - The Stories We Tell Ourselves (Dan in Real Life)

Okay. “Do you remember the 21st of September”? We do, and it’s now on Mary and Lexy’s HYPE playlist (check it out on Spotify here!) We talk a little about how much we love the month of September, and its’ kick-into-gear vibe.
 
This song reminds Mary of one of her favorite movies: Dan in Real Life, the 2007 movie starring Steve Carrell, Juliette Binoche, and Dane Cook (stream it here on Disney+). Check out the hilarious scene here, where Dan is trying to not show his attraction to his brother’s girlfriend.
 
Mary talks about some of her car woes, including the most pathetic call to AAA. She tells herself the story that she’s “car-stupid,” and in the movie, Dan tells himself that his needs are less important than anyone else’s in the family. Sometimes things get awkward, and we don’t know how to navigate some of life’s situations. That can often lead to feelings of shame and rejection.
 
Here are some questions that might help you figure out if the stories that we’re telling ourselves are true:
 
Is it actually true? Would it be provable in court? What evidence would there be?
Are you projecting your thoughts onto others?
Who am I as a result of this story? How am I showing up?
If I change this thought/story, how would it make me feel?
Prepare to be surprised.
 
Please get in touch! Send us an email at thebettyspodcast@gmail.com, and please follow us on Instagram @thebettyspodcast, on Facebook as The Bettys Podcast, and on TikTok as TheBettysPodcast.
 
We want to hear from you! Your comments and messages really help us know what you want to hear and how we can improve. If this show resonates with you, please make sure to share & subscribe, and give us a rating & review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
 
“Don’t be held back with what should be. Just see what it is.” Mama Ximena’s tip-of-the-day is a great reminder to consider our thoughts and how they make us feel. Our hope is that we can help you in some way.  And we’d love to meet you! If you’re available to join us at the Taylor Swift Eras Tour Concert Film at the Cinemark in West Valley City, Utah (5412 High Market Drive), at 11:00am on Saturday October 14, 2023. Get your tickets here, and we’ll see you there! You are truly incredible, and we love you more.

088 - Betty Byte: What If You DO Belong Here?

Happy Friday, friends! We’re talking a little more about belonging today. Here are some of the quotes:
 
From Brené Brown: “The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you're enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.” 
 
Lexy talks about a song called “Love Me For What I Am” by the Carpenters. Listen here on YouTube. If you need to go through your feels, turn this song on.
 
Please get in touch! Send us an email at thebettyspodcast@gmail.com, and please follow us on Instagram @thebettyspodcast, on Facebook as The Bettys Podcast, on TikTok as TheBettysPodcast and on Twitter @bettys_podcast. 
 
We want to hear from you! Your comments and messages really help us know what you want to hear and how we can improve. If this show resonates with you, please make sure to share & subscribe, and give us a rating & review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
 
Thank you for being here today. Please remember that we belong to each other, and that the future belongs to the brave. We’ll see you on Monday, and remember that we love you more.

087 - Are You Fitting In or Belonging?

Good day, Bettys and Jacks! You may think you know us, because we updated our pictures recently, but . . . actually Lexy’s hair is almost black now, and Mary’s hair is quite blonde. And we both want to go red for Fall. And next summer we’ll wanna go blonde again. Just when you think you know us! “It’s a circle!” 
 
Everything comes down to belonging. Younger kids have a confidence that we admire as adults, which comes from naturally belonging to themselves. As we grow up, shame clouds our resilience and causes us to lose our footing when it comes to belonging to ourselves. It makes us want to “fit in,” which is the opposite of belonging according to Brené Brown.
 
We believe that belonging to yourself means to accept all of the parts–good and bad, beautiful and ugly–that make up you. They all belong to you, and that’s okay. Maya Angelou said: “You only are free when you realize you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.” And when you don’t belong to yourself, you’re gonna look for ways to escape your life.
Please get in touch! Send us an email at thebettyspodcast@gmail.com, and please follow us on Instagram @thebettyspodcast, on Facebook as The Bettys Podcast, and on TikTok as TheBettysPodcast.
 
We want to hear from you! Your comments and messages really help us know what you want to hear and how we can improve. If this show resonates with you, please make sure to share & subscribe, and give us a rating & review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
 
Thank you for listening, friends. Growth is where the joy comes. We’re so grateful for you, and we love you more.

086 - Betty Byte: Adventures in Austin

Howdy ho, neighbors! This Betty Byte was recorded from our hotel room in Austin, Texas, so please forgive the burps and mouth sounds and stuff; there’s not a lot of editing here (which is a brave thing for Mary!). Lexy is brave when it comes to bugs, but she will scream. Anyway, beware of snakes, enjoy the music, and please, DON’T BE A ‘JIM.’
 
Please get in touch! Send us an email at thebettyspodcast@gmail.com, and please follow us on Instagram @thebettyspodcast, on Facebook as The Bettys Podcast, on TikTok as TheBettysPodcast and on Twitter @bettys_podcast. 
 
We want to hear from you! Your comments and messages really help us know what you want to hear and how we can improve. If this show resonates with you, please make sure to share & subscribe, and give us a rating & review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
 
Thank you for listening today! We hope you enjoyed some of our adventures (and go check out our Instagram for this infamous video of us screaming). We love making memories together, and we hope to make some with you soon. We’ll see you on Monday, and remember that we love you more.
 

085 - Bettys Take Austin

Yeehaw! Mary and Lexy recorded this episode from their iPhone, in a hotel room in Austin, Texas. We were very tired after attending a Coaching Summit with Brendon Burchard, and we were a little loopy. So there’s a lot of laughing, ums, mouth sounds and likes, because of minimal editing. #sorrynotsorry
 
We share a couple of our adventures, such as the underwhelming bats. Lexy talks about wanting to see the “famous” gas station Buc-ee’s (Bucci’s?). We didn’t actually get there, but we sure had a good laugh about it! Stay tuned for more of our travel adventures in Friday's Betty Byte!
 
We learned a lot about life coaching and marketing (email sequences), networking, hugging, and talking to people. It was a pretty great experience, and we’re working on a lot of cool things. And we’ll definitely be talking more about this in the future.
 
Please get in touch! Send us an email at thebettyspodcast@gmail.com, and please follow us on Instagram @thebettyspodcast, on Facebook as The Bettys Podcast, and on TikTok as TheBettysPodcast.
 
We want to hear from you! Your comments and messages really help us know what you want to hear and how we can improve. If this show resonates with you, please make sure to share & subscribe, and give us a rating & review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
 
Friends, we’re so grateful for y’all. We hope we’ll be able to help you and meet you! If you’re available to join us at the Taylor Swift Eras Tour Concert Film at the Cinemark in West Valley City, Utah (5412 High Market Drive), at 11:00am on Saturday October 14, 2023. Get your tickets here, and we’ll see you there! You are truly incredible, and we love you more.

084 - What Was I Made For? Barbie and Perfectionism

Hello, Bettys and Jacks! Even though Alexis doesn’t know Tears for Fears, she and Mary can have a light and fluffy discussion about music, reptiles, and road trip adventures. Listen to our Glacier Road Trip playlist here, and beware of Rawlins, Wyoming. Also, were you aware of the toad plague in Arizona during monsoon season? Weird. Get a (disturbing) taste of it by watching the scene from Magnolia here on YouTube.
 
Billie Eilish’s song “What Was I Made For” from the Barbie movie has really struck a chord with Lexy. Lex has been in therapy for several years, and has only in the past year or so started to come head-to-head with perfectionism. When we take away our coping mechanisms, it definitely feels like we “used to float,” but now we “just fall down.”
 
We get to choose what we believe, and what aligns with us, even if we’re not sure anymore. Lexy hid behind making everything look so ideal, but is starting to feel real again. This reminded Mary of a Train song called “Counting Airplanes” (listen here on Spotify), and how many times we believe relationships have to be transactional. A lot of times we don’t allow ourselves to be real, because we think we won’t be accepted or wanted for who we are, and that brings on the shame and guilt and judgment, which we try to avoid.
 
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that someone else is responsible for your sadness and joy. The line from the song reminds us that it’s up to us to figure that out: 
 
“When did it end? All the enjoyment
I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend
It's not what he's made for
What was I made for?”
Please get in touch! Send us an email at thebettyspodcast@gmail.com, and please follow us on Instagram @thebettyspodcast, on Facebook as The Bettys Podcast, and on TikTok as TheBettysPodcast.
 
We want to hear from you! Your comments and messages really help us know what you want to hear and how we can improve. If this show resonates with you, please make sure to share & subscribe, and give us a rating & review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
 
Thank you for listening, friends. Remember–Sometimes you have to become unhinged to get back into alignment and be hinged in the way that's right for each of us. We’re so grateful for you, and we love you more.
 

083 - Alarms Going Off in Your Life? 4 Questions to Help Determine Your Specialty

Hello, Bettys and Jacks! We are fighting with technology today, but luckily the audio decided to cooperate. I probably shouldn’t point that out, but we’re very glad that we sound good! It is back-to-school season, so Mary and Alexis are kinda fighting with everything. Mary definitely went a bit overboard with the school supplies this year. Since Salt Lake Singers has started back up, Mary will take her excessive number of pencils to her choir practice to share. Listen to our interview with Dr. Jane Fjeldsted here on Spotify or here on Apple Podcasts.
 
When Mary tells people she’s a surgical tech, they often ask, “What’s your specialty?” Mary is a Jack-of-all-trades type, but she knows how to read a room. She talks a bit about a recent O.R. experience where the patient had a laryngospasm, and the specialty of Anesthesiology. 
 
Mary asks a few questions to help you figure out what is YOUR specialty, and what you might be in need of.
Are there alarms going off in your life? Marriage, kids, career–any of these things (and plenty more) could be causing distress. This may come in the form of a gut feeling, knowing that you don’t want to be there. Take a pulse on how you are feeling, look at the pressures (internal and external). We are specialists in our kids, but teenagers are really good at hiding their alarms, so watch for little clues and hints they may drop.
What are you trying to force? You cannot give another person an infusion of understanding; real conversations need to happen without manuals and agendas.
Are you waiting for someone to tell you what to do? Do you need a consult, or another pair of eyes and ears on something? Outside perspectives can really help clarify things sometimes.
LISTEN. Actually listen to what is needed right now. Antibiotics may help with another aspect of patient health, but if a patient is dying because they can’t breathe, they need a different medication. And what one person needs is not the same as what another needs. Do things in wisdom and in order (Mosiah 4:27)
Saving lives, people, and relationships is serious business, but when it comes to spirituality, you cannot save another person. Remember the primary rule of medicine: “First, do no harm.” Sometimes judgment calls need to be made. Step back and listen. 
 
Please get in touch! Send us an email at thebettyspodcast@gmail.com, and please follow us on Instagram @thebettyspodcast, on Facebook as The Bettys Podcast, and on TikTok as TheBettysPodcast.
 
We want to hear from you! Your comments and messages really help us know what you want to hear and how we can improve. If this show resonates with you, please make sure to share & subscribe, and give us a rating & review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
 
Thank you for listening, friends. We hope you can recognize your own incredible specialties, and know when outside perspectives may be helpful. We hope to be a friendly consult for you, and to help you understand some of the alarms within and appropriate responses for your lives. We’re so grateful for you, and we love you more.

082 - Betty Byte: Snickerdoodles For The Soul

Happy Friday, friends! Lexy tells us a story that starts with cornbread and ends with snickerdoodles. Is it magic? Maybe! You’ll have to listen to find out, but we’re pretty sure it has more to do with our friends–angels on earth–being in-tune with their higher power to answer such a specific need so kindly and anonymously. Don’t dismiss the tender mercies and little miracles in your life. 
 
Please get in touch! Send us an email at thebettyspodcast@gmail.com, and please follow us on Instagram @thebettyspodcast, on Facebook as The Bettys Podcast, on TikTok as TheBettysPodcast and on Twitter @bettys_podcast. 
 
We want to hear from you! Your comments and messages really help us know what you want to hear and how we can improve. If this show resonates with you, please make sure to share & subscribe, and give us a rating & review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
 
Thank you for listening today! Remember to “stack the good'' and focus on the positive (when it’s appropriate). Ask–very specifically–for what you want, and know that you are seen and loved and heard. And we love you more.
 

081 - How Are You Handling Your Midlife Crisis? Finding Peace in Your Storm (Kanye vs. Brené)

Greetings, Bettys and Jacks! Alexis starts us off today with a story about her closing performance of Seussical (Mic drop! Literally!). It wasn’t a “major wedgie,” but it was definitely a Circus McGerkus. Even though Lexy is the comic relief, the fact that she kept her cool, enlisted her friends to help, and finished the show tells you a lot about the kind of person she is. 
 
Mary started researching (and listening to a little bit of) Kanye West. He’s a controversial rapper/singer/producer/fashion designer/presidential candidate . . . now divorced from Kim Kardashian. Lexy was a Kanye fan in high school (she likes the Donda album–listen here), but Mary hasn’t really given him a chance until now. Listen to the clean version of “Jesus Walks” here on Spotify.
 
We all need to find peace in the storm. Everyone is going through something hard; so how are you handling it? Kanye’s fame and notoriety made it so that he was scrutinized for everything. He has had a difficult time accepting certain outcomes, and for him, it all kinda came to a head in 2016 (interestingly at age 39), when after some irresponsible and erratic behavior, he was admitted for psychiatric observation at UCLA. Kanye has not wanted to accept a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder, but (to us) it seems pretty evident that he has some mental health issues.
 
Kanye is in the middle of his storm, which is unfortunately being played out very publicly. Mary was listening to a podcast episode of Elevation from March 19, 2023. This incredible episode features Pastor Rich Wilkerson (who married Kim and Kanye), who talks about the storm having its purpose. LIsten here on Apple or here on Spotify. Every story has a storm, and the “storms create the perfect stage for an audacious response.”
 
We love Brené Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection, and her incredible TED Talk on the Power of Vulnerability, both of which happened in 2010 (when she was age 41). It’s right around this age where we all have to decide HOW we are going to get through this storm of midlife, and what we’re going to do. Just like our physical vision starts to change at midlife, everyone’s prescription is different, and we all respond to our storms and these changes differently. 
 
Here are Mary’s takeaways from this case study of Kanye vs. Brené (with lots of inspiration from the “Gifts of Imperfection”):
Recognize and accept what is happening
Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be. “Happiness equals reality minus expectations” (from “Engineering Happiness” by Rakesh Sarin and Manel Baucells). This takes a LOT of thought work.
Embrace who YOU are. Use the “slash effect” to help you figure out what makes you come alive.
Our Better Betty Challenge for today is to read “The Gifts of Imperfection.” Please read the book (purchase it here on Amazon), especially Guidepost #9 about Meaningful Work). Even if you’re not in midlife or in crisis, if you let it, this book will truly change your life.
 
Please get in touch! Send us an email at thebettyspodcast@gmail.com, and please follow us on Instagram @thebettyspodcast, on Facebook as The Bettys Podcast, and on TikTok as TheBettysPodcast.
 
We want to hear from you! Your comments and messages really help us know what you want to hear and how we can improve. If this show resonates with you, please make sure to share & subscribe, and give us a rating & review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
 
Thank you for listening, friends. Betty. Remember: you get to choose how you handle your own crises. Life is hard, and midlife is incredibly complicated, but there are so many beautiful things to come, and so many incredible things you can do and see and create. We’re so grateful for you, and we love you more.
 

080 - How to NOT Fall Apart . . . Even When You’re Triggered

Hello, Bettys and Jacks. Mary and Alexis are back, and (as usual) we’re struggling getting into our back-to-school routines. So if you haven’t left any of your kids at home alone, and you can keep track of your stories while you’re trying to tell them, we think you’re doing pretty well. We’re kinda functioning brain-dead, so thanks for continuing to listen!
 
Lexy has heard this question a lot lately: How are you not falling apart? She was watching a presentation by Tony Robbins, who talked about keeping your momentum even when your world is in turmoil. He says that what you focus on is where your energy is going to go. How do you know what to focus on? Allowing yourself to feel your emotions helps, but many times you have to attach meaning to an experience, in order to get to the emotion. Experiences are neutral (objective), until you decide on what it means. Then it becomes subjective. Giving people the benefit of the doubt makes it less likely that you’ll have a negative emotion attached to an experience. Also, maybe people just have RBF (or “Lindquist eyebrows”).
 
Mary calls Lexy out on her teaching herself to smile all the time; it does help you feel better, but it’s also probably a trauma response. It does help to know how to put on the ‘face’ of a group, if you want to be accepted into it. Sometimes you do have to ‘play the game,’ or put on a mask, but you can do it in a way that is true to yourself. And we don’t have to make other people uncomfortable or to ruin their day just because we might be having a hard time.
 
We also talk about triggers, and how you can’t really get away from them. Exposure therapy can help. Mary mentions the About Progress podcast, where the host Monica talks about overcoming her fear of swimming. 
 
Please get in touch! Send us an email at thebettyspodcast@gmail.com, and please follow us on Instagram @thebettyspodcast, on Facebook as The Bettys Podcast, and on TikTok as TheBettysPodcast.
 
We want to hear from you! Your comments and messages really help us know what you want to hear and how we can improve. If this show resonates with you, please make sure to share & subscribe, and give us a rating & review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
 
Thank you for listening, Betty. Remember–meaning = emotion, and emotion = life. And as long as we’re living, we’re gonna be growing. We’re so grateful for you, and we love you more.